igbok

I always hear a lot of people say things like, "Life isn't always going to go your way."

But "Life" doesn't go anywhere. We go places.

And sometimes we mess up, and get frustrated with the time we waste, and wish that the "now" would actually be 5 years from now. Skipping ahead.

And sometimes I wish I could take the past 5 years and crumple them into a ball, like a damp newspaper, and throw it away, and start over.

Because most of the time I'm ignoring the beautiful things that are always, always happening to me. Because they're supposed to. I forget that while I was apparently "wasting" the last 5 years of my life in school, I fell in love. I began to write music. I made new friends. I lived so far away from home that Hercules couldn't get me back to Dallas for an emergency. That while I groaned about finding myself and hating life, the next day I loved it again, over and over and over. I dyed my hair who knows how many colors, and I worked at an Indian restaurant. I waited upon death with fear and grieved with hope for a friend. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and learned that, miraculously, I was going to actually graduate from college.

So in this time, God has stung my wounds, ripped me at the seams, and told me that I am exactly where I should be. My opportunities are endless. My life is rich and I have choices. I already know who I am, and I probably always have. Maybe it was that i wasn't happy with it yet.

And instead of the newspaper ball, these years can now be the front page of the Sunday paper, crisp, and thumbed through with my fingers. While I'm reading and absorbing every word-not skipping anything. And actually enjoying it.