Sometimes i feel very unsatisfied. Or, a lot of the time I feel very unsatisfied with the questions that go unanswered in my head. There are so many people that live on the earth. I don't know if I ever really think about it seriously, and for every one of those people, there is a unique life. When I stop to try to answer all my own questions, i hardly wonder what everyone else must be thinking and asking. Though everyone is unique from everyone, everyone struggles. And everyone is afraid of things, and everyone finds joy in something.
I think that sometimes I find joy in struggling. I'm the kind of person who easily makes things harder than they have to be because I'm dramatic and I take the drama seriously. I think, I cannot possibly be satisfied until this struggle is resolved, and that's mostly with all of my unanswered questions. I am always wondering how "we're just not supposed to know" is supposed to bring me peace. It still doesn't. This can be very uneasy for a Caroline.
But the joy that I get from some of those struggles makes me feel good because it's cathartic. It feels like things are healing when I'm asking and struggling and wondering wondering wondering. Sometimes the same things over and over again. The funniest part is, no matter how sick I am of not quite knowing what I want to, having that CONCRETE answer, there is the dwelling Spirit that makes something about a struggle very peaceful.
Sometimes I think the key to an answer is something as simple as never ceasing to seek. And to love also.
No comments:
Post a Comment